Tuesday, January 11, 2011

That's. Not. Funny!

Ok so I know its been a LONG time since I've posted and I should be begging my readers' forgiveness, but first I feel I need to tell you about the injustices of the interwebz. Injustices such as making a mockery of life changing terrifying traumatic experiences you will never forget.

Again, this entry will have nothing to do with anything other than what I'm thinking riiight.... NOW!

Ok so I'm super duper bored so I decided to google, "things to do when you're bored." I found quite a long alphabetical list, but near the beginning I learned that the list was just mean and insensitive. The list included the following "fun" idea: "At the bottom of escalators yell 'MY SHOELACE!'" Have you ever had your shoelace caught in an escalator? NO! YOU [probably] HAVEN'T! Have I? HELL YES I HAVE! IT WAS TERRIFYING AND I ALMOST DIED!!!!! Here's the story:

I was pretty young so a lot of it is foggy, but I think we (being my family and I) were at the mall (of America, obvs.) I was wearing laced shoes and was blissfully unaware of the fact that ONE OF MY SHOES WAS UNTIED. It was an ordinary ride down the escalator(or perhaps, de-escalator?) when suddenly, upon reaching the bottom my foot was violently jerked toward the hell and scary green glowing monsters that I'm PRETTY sure live under escalators(and de-escalators.) I fought for my life but my efforts were fruitless. I saw the mouth of hell and scary green monster world opening, I felt my leg jerk as, I'm pretty sure, one of the green demon monsters was pulling me in to his lair to eat me when ALL OF A SUDDEN.... --I just realized that there are almost no paragraph breaks in this whole post. Oh well... as I was saying-- just as the scary green glowy monsters came to take me away my decent to hell stopped and I was violently kicked out of the hands of the scary green glowy monsters by my sister, who was THRILLED to be praised for kicking me. Also, pretty sure my dad pressed the stop button on the escalator at some point. I don't know. Point is, I almost died and its not funny.